


still starving for what's not being said

by doumekiss (Odd_Ellie)



Category: CLAMP - Works, xxxHoLic
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 14:13:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21162962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_Ellie/pseuds/doumekiss
Summary: It was Watanuki's twenty-third birthday and Doumeki was acting weird.





	still starving for what's not being said

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [still starving for what's not being said](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12104361) by [Odd_Ellie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_Ellie/pseuds/Odd_Ellie). 

It was Watanuki's twenty-third birthday and Doumeki was acting weird. Watanuki could feel Doumeki staring at him and Himawari for most of the time she was there, which was somewhat unusual, even though he accused Doumeki of his lack of manners and tact on Himawari's previous visits he had stayed a little away except when the three of them shared meals, after all he would go to the store every day and meet Himawari with reasonable frequency as well, while Watanuki and Himawari had only one day a year to see each other.

Shortly after dark he found out exactly why Doumeki was worried, and a part of him wanted to come to him and shout at him for his melodramatic attitude (melodramatic of course by Doumeki standards) but he didn't and just kept enjoying Himawaricompany.

Just before midnight Watanuki hugged Himawari and escorted her to the gate that separated the shop from the real world. Doumeki usually accompanied Himawari home after her visits, but this time she called a cab and Doumeki stayed behind.

"The party is over, you can leave now" Watanuki said leaning against the porch doorway, right in front of where Doumeki was sitting.

“I'm still drinking”

"Okay, but if you don't finish in five minutes I'll be forced to kick you out"

The threat was fake and they both knew it, most likely Doumeki would end up sleeping in the store's guest room as usual. Doumeki was looking at him like he was searching for something, some hint of hysteria that Watanuki had made a firm decision not to give him. Tired of elephant in the room Watanuki asked: 

“You knew she was engaged, right? That's why you kept looking at us like that. ”

"Yes, I knew"

"How long ?"

"She told me a few weeks ago, just as soon as her boyfriend asked."

"Why didn't you tell me ?"

“Because I figured Himawari would like to tell the news herself… and I didn't wanted to see you sad”

The second part of the sentence surprised him a little, Doumeki really must have been more drunk than usual that night. Watanuki crossed his arms in annoyance.

“Why would I be sad? It's good that she found someone immune to the bad luck that loves her, something like that would never make me sad. ”

"A few years ago you used to say you loved her"

"And I do love her, just not the way I thought"

"Hmm"

It was odd, Watanuki knew that the expression on Doumeki's face had barely moved but he could feel something hardened in the corner of his eyes.

"You said you didn't want to see me sad, but now you're annoyed that I'm reacting well to the news, you're making even less sense than usual."

“I didn't want to see you sad, but I thought it would be good for you to be sad. Recognize that you lost the chance to have something that could have made you happy by choosing to lock yourself in this place. ”

“I'm sorry if my behavior does not live up to your expectations”

"What if it was me?"

"If you what?"

“If one day I come here and say I'm engaged, would you say you're happy that I found someone to love me? And would you be telling the truth? Would you really think you didn’t lost anything? ”

Watanuki could feel his hands shaking, they were getting dangerously close to talking about the thing they had an implicit agreement to never talk about. Watanuki remained silent knowing that any answer he give would be wrong, and Doumeki kept looking at him waiting for an answer, taking small sips from his glass until it was empty. Then Doumeki got up.

For a second Watanuki was sure Doumeki would come to him, although he wasn't sure whether to punch him or to kiss him. But he didn't, he just stepped off the porch and headed toward the exit.

"Where are you going?" Watanuki asked.

"I'm sure my five minute deadline to leave is over, I'm going home"

"You're coming back tomorrow, right?"

"You know I will" Doumeki said without looking at him and left the store.


End file.
